Fish Sticks and Wine...

I feel like Old Mother Hubbard.  My cupboard is SO bare.  And payday is still two more days away.  I tried to make pancakes...no eggs.  I tried to make spaghetti...no noodles.   Grilled cheese?  No cheese.  I think you get the pattern here. 

How can I have come from a weekend a pure gluttony and now have nothing to eat?  Poor Autumn took sliced turkey wrapped in a tortilla for her "sandwich" today.  (She thought it was awesome...so no point in telling her I just didn't have any bread.)

I MUST DO SOME SHOPPING!

Unfortunately, the cost of buying groceries for my family for 4 is about $250-$300 every two weeks.  Right now in my bank I have $50.  So it looks like groceries will just have to wait.

Last night, in desperation, I opened a box of fish sticks.  Not even Van DeKamps fish sticks.  No gourmet fish sticks for us.  I bought a generic knock off version.  It had been living in my freezer for about a month just waiting for a moment of desperation like this.

Fish sticks = entree.  Check.

Macaroni & Cheese = side dish.  Check

Cauliflower = vegetable.  Check.  (I did have a head of fresh cauliflower that I steamed....so I could safely say we had some sort of nutrition in this meal.) 

So there you go....gourmet eating at my house. 

And a bottle of wine.....just because Momma was going a little nuts last night.

Fish sticks and wine....yep, that's just how I roll...well that's how I rolled last night at least.

I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt when I make a meal like this.  I picture Betty Crocker or Donna Reed setting down frozen, pre packaged fish in front of their family.  Would they do it?  No they would not!  They are probably wearing cutesy little aprons and high heels with perfect make up and no fat anywhere.  Bitches.

Last night I served dinner in sweat pants, hair in a clip on the back of my head and faced scrubbed clean of make up.

Sexy, right?  No...it wasn't.  But why should it matter?  I work hard.  I take care of my family.  My kids are in clean clothes that fit.  They never go hungry.  So what if once in awhile we have fish sticks for dinner or Mac & Cheese?  So what I have sit down in grungy PJ's?  Why do I need to feel bad about that?  Why do I left myself feel like I am less of a mother and wife on nights like these?

But I do.

The guilt over the fantasy of "what it should be" versus the reality of "what it really is like" always war against each other.   And logically I know it's stupid.  I'm a good mom.  I'm a good wife (minus a few days out of the month when I'm a total bitch).  I'm a good daughter.  I'm a good employee.  I am enough. 

I am enough!

My wish flower:  I wish I could remember those words on the days when I need to hear them the most.

Ugh turkey!

So it's over.  Thanksgiving is done.  If I never see turkey again it will be too soon.  Turkey for thanksgiving....turkey the day after Thanksgiving....turkey casserole on Saturday....and turkey sandwiches on Sunday.

I am done with turkey.

I am done with pie.

I am done with five full days with my children.

We spent this holiday with my parents, AKA....trapped in country hell.  I love my parents.  And I love that I grew up in a little rural town, population 4500.  It was a nice place to grow up.  We spent time on my grandparents farm.  We went camping.  You never felt the need to lock your cars or your front door.  I admit it had it's perks. 

But now?  Now I want to be able to shop at more than one grocery store.   I want to go to the store in my pajamas and not run into someone I know.  I want to go to a movie in the middle of the day. 

I want civilization!!! 

It was a looonnggg weekend.......

Our original intention was to leave Saturday, but due to some home repair projects of my mom's we stayed an additional day to help with that.  And then it was back to work today.  I am tired.  I am grumpy.  I am not sure that my husband will still be alive by morning....he is not on my favorite person list today.  I was so glad to kiss my kids goodbye and send them off to school.   I did not want to come to work today.

*sigh*

But it's okay.  I'm still glad I got see my family.  I'm glad I got to stuff myself with lemon meringue pie.  I AM glad I got to spend so much time with my kids and that they got to spend so much time with their grandparents. 

I cannot be glad about the weight I gained.  Or the fact that the thought of turkey makes me ill.  Or that my husband is now on my hit list. 

But no one cried, well except Petal....she cries over everything so that doesn't count. 

And, speaking of Petal, after 3 hours trapped in a car.... 3 long hours in which she bounced off the walls (figuratively), cried indiscriminately (literally) and generally annoyed us all despite my begging and pleading with her to close her eyes and sleep....within 5 minutes of being home she climbed on the recliner with the quilt my great grandmother made and crashed.

She's so cute when she sleeps...which is good because when she's awake she's harder to love.  :)

And while she slept Steven, Autumn and I breathed a big sigh of relief and fell asleep too.

My wish flower?  That Petal would sleep longer, harder and with more frequency.   One more holiday to go!!

Surviving Turkey Day...and being thankful

I am now halfway through my 4-party holiday nightmare.  Halloween? Check.  Petal's birthday? Check.  Thanksgiving and Christmas still to go. 

So we have Thanksgiving tomorrow.  I actually love Thanksgiving.  It's the least stressful of all the holidays to me.  I don't mind the cooking or the cleaning...and I definitely don't mind the eating...especially my mom's stuffing.  Yum. 

But I do hate all the family drama that seems to happen when we all get together.  Don't get me wrong...I love, love, love my family.  But we are all very different with very different views on life, politics and religion.  And while I enjoy a good debate as much as the next person I would love to suspend it for at least one day and sit around my sister's dining room table and just embrace the family I have surrounding me.  Instead, I will be listening to my brother hate Obama and my sister stress that everything is not perfect and my mother mad that we are drinking wine (she's a major teetotaller) and me worry that my kids are getting into everything that they shouldn't be in to.....all while trying to keep smiling and enjoying the holidays. 

It's okay...I know everyone's house is the same.  Who sits down to Thanksgiving dinner with everything perfect?  If you do....I salute you.  And I also wonder what type of drugs you are on and can I have some?

But the irony is that the stress is worth it....I love my family.  I love that we can cram all of us into one house for a prolonged dinner and still, despite the arguments and worry, we leave loving each other.  That's pretty lucky, isn't it?  It's lucky to know that I can disagree with my brother about politics and he will still answer his phone at 3:00 a.m. and give me a kidney if I asked.  And I truly think he would.  It's lucky that my mom can not agree with me drinking a glass of wine, but when I call to vent to her on the phone she always answers and always listens.   It's lucky that I can think my sister is slightly neurotic and she knows I think so, but when I start dropping corny movie quotes at dinner she always gets them and she always laughs.  And it's also lucky that through it all my dad sits back and watches us all like we're crazy...but then sends us silly texts messages for the next few weeks telling us how much he loves us and how much fun he had at Thanksgiving.

You are born with the family you get...but loving them?  That's what takes the work.  And liking them?  Sometimes that's even harder.  But I've learned that I don't have to like everything about my siblings or my parents....and they don't have to like everything about me.  It's okay and not wrong.  But I love them....and in loving them, I like them all a whole lot.  :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

My wish flower?  I wish everyone could feel happy, loved, grateful and lucky this Thanksgiving.

Braced...

It was Braces Day for Autumn.  We've been building up to this day since June....we've expanded, we've spaced...and now we are braced. 

Unfortunately, I don't think Autumn was quite as braced as I would have hoped for her reflection in the mirror.  The braces are really....ummm...what's a good word?  Prominent?  Noticeable?  Regardless....they are not the cute braces all in a straight line that she was expecting.  Due to the fact that her teeth are SO crooked...so are the braces.  There is a jagged line of wire crisscrossing her teeth.

I tried to comfort her with the "this won't last forever" and "your teeth will be beautiful when this is done" speeches.  I even tried the whole "everyone is getting braces right now". 

Nope.

Not buying it.  She hates the braces.  And I felt bad. 

I know she needs the braces.  I know her teeth are awful and that one day she will grow up and resent her crooked teeth if we don't do it. I know I'm doing the right thing.  But it's hard watching her cry.  And being embarrassed.  And having a sore mouth.

But I have to believe it will get better.  And frankly, I'm proud of myself for getting braces on her.  I never had braces.  I needed them.  Money for braces was just not something we had growing up...and due to dental coverage on adult orthodontics (virtually nil) I don't have the money for them for myself now.  But I can get them for her and I did. 

She will look great. 

She will be happy. 

This too shall pass....



I think she looks adorable...despite what she thinks.  :)

And on the plus side...I told her that if her mouth is too sore for most foods for the next few days, we will have plenty of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving to eat.  She was not amused. 


Giving "The Sak" the sack until...

I bought a "The Sak" purse at the mall a month or so ago.  I needed a cute crossbody purse that was still trendy enough to wear to work, but not so fancy schmancy that I was always afraid of getting it dirty.  This purse worked perfectly.  Leather...crossbody...large enough to fit all my crap.  Yay!  Happy Jen!!

But a few days ago I started noticing this:

And this:

I was so disappointed.  This was a great purse...and not a cheap one.  I admit I didn't spend $500 on it, but it was a good chunk of change, at least for me and my budget.  Plus, I had only had it less than three months.

Not happy.  So I sat down at my computer and wrote a strongly worded letter of complaint to the company.  To my surprise they responded within an hour apologizing.  They are now sending me a replacement purse.  Wow!   To say I'm stunned is an understatement.  Frankly I didn't think I'd hear back from them at all..but to get this response overwhelmed me. 

Right now with the holidays coming I simply can't afford another purse.  It's just not in the budget.  

So.... thanks www.thesak.com and thanks Patti who helped me get my new purse.

(However to be totally honest, the sceptic in me is still reserving all judgement until my purse actually arrives.  I'm not that giddy over a new purse.)

My wish flower for today:  I wish all companies would have such great customer service...and that I didn't feel like a criminal when I complain about their products.



Clucking like a chicken...

Autumn had her expander taken out today.  We are six months into the two year process of getting her teeth straightened.   We have slowly been expanding her mouth.  For 30 days I took this teeny tiny apparatus and turned a crank inside her mouth each morning.   Then the orthodontist glued the expander in place and we've been waiting until the next stage begins. 

So this morning at 8:15, after a frantic "flight of the bumblebee" type morning, we got the expander out.  Autumn is so pleased.  We got the usual lecture: rinse 4x a day, brush your teeth, floss, blah blah....I had stopped listening.   Don't judge me...I paid thousands of dollars to not listen to the rules. 

On the drive to school I could hear a clucking noise from the seat next to me.  Autumn was making clucking noises on the roof of her mouth.  She looked over at me and smiled..."I have not been able to do that forever!"  She then proceeded to say all the words that she had been having trouble enunciating...cinnamon, chicken, thistle....the list goes on. 

She does still have the blue spacers in her teeth and then we get the partial braces next week on top and bottom.  After that in a year or so she gets a retainer. 

Like I said....it's a long process.  But honestly, she will love her teeth when it's done.  And I have to believe that she will thank me one day for depriving her of popcorn, caramel and gum for the next few years.

Speaking of being deprived...since discovering I am lactose intolerant I have missed cream cheese. I mean, really missed cream cheese.  I want it on toast, bagels, a spoon going straight to my mouth. It's borderline obsessive. Today at the grocery store I found this:

When I opened it, it looked like this:

I admit, I was nervous to try it.  But....it was really good!   I had the Chive & Garlic spread on a wheat bagel for breakfast.  I might even have it again tomorrow and the next day.  I've missed you creamy spreads on bagels.  Come to Mama!  Thank you www.galaxyfoods.com

My wish flower today:  That Autumn will be still be able to "cluck" when she gets her  braces in...and that no one here at work steals my cream cheese. (I think I'm pretty safe on that one.)

Shhh...

Right now the house is quiet. The kids are sleeping and the cat is curled up next to me purring. Steven is out doing his Monday night side job. He's a trooper.

I love quiet.  I love the sound of my girls breathing deeply and peacefully. I love the hum of the dishwasher and the whirring of my furnace.  I love the smell of the clean sheets I just put on my bed.

Nights of quiet are pretty rare here.  There always seems to be one more thing to do. One more chore to finish. One more piece of homework to check.

And to be honest I'm sure there is something somewhere I need to be doing. But for now, in this moment, I'm going to embrace the peace. I'm going to listen to the breathing, purring, and humming that surrounds me and feel content.

I'm going to lie in my soft flannel sheets, wearing a ratty t-shirt and panties and breathe.  I'm not going to worry about all that needs to be done tomorrow. Or worry about Autumn's orthodontist appointment. Or getting the groceries bought for Thanksgiving. I'm not even going to worry about the fact that the panties I'm wearing are feeling a little bit more "snug" than the last time I wore them.

Today is almost done. Tomorrow is soon enough to get to the worries and chores.

Breathe.

Breathe.

And....garage door. Peaceful time over. Steven is back.

Wish flower?   I wish I would have had just 15 more minutes.

Lazy Sunday

The girls and I spent a leisurely afternoon getting manicures...well basically I gave myself a manicure and then did theirs.  We are very matchy-matchy now (as Petal would say).

Now I have a sink of dirty dishes calling me. Goodbye beautiful manicure...hello dishpan hands.

Wish flower? I wish someone would invent a nail polish that could withstand dishes, laundry and tiny Polly Pocket clothes.

Humble me...

I never give money to homeless.  I say this not with pride or shame, but just a simple statement of fact.  I just don't.  There are alot of reasons....I never have cash on me.  If I do have cash I need it for something else.  Or I just don't trust that they will use it for food.  All of these reasons are true.  Absolutely. 

Does it make my actions correct?  I don't know.   I donate quilts and clothing to the homeless shelter.  I contribute to the office food drive.  I'm a good person...

However, that being said, yesterday I drove to the liquor store on my lunch hour.  We were invited to a friends house for dinner and I wanted to bring a nice bottle of wine for them.  I enjoyed a leisurely 30 minutes in the liquor store browsing the selection of wines.  I love wine.  I love the pretty bottles they come in.  I love the way they are stacked in rows for my enjoyment and perusal.  I love the first sip of wine with a good meal. 

But eventually I made my purchase and wrapping my coat a little tighter around myself I hurried to my car.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a gentleman sitting on the parkstrip with a cardboard sign.  I got into my car, started the heater and strapped on my seat belt....all the time watching this gentleman.

He was probably in his late 50's?  I'm a terrible judge of age so this is my estimate.  He was wrapped in an old moss green pea coat.  His beard was matted and dirty.  He looked emaciated.  It broke my heart.  He looked like my father....my father is sickly and emaciated looking too.  (Health issues that are too long to get into at the moment). 

I had $5 in my purse.  I had been planning on buying myself lunch before heading back to work.  I did have the $5 earmarked for something for myself  but before I realized what I was doing I had rolled the window down in my car and offered him my $5. 

He walked over to my car.  He stunk of dirt and sadness.  I was nervous, sad and concerned all at once.  He thanked me for the money.  I reminded him that it was supposed to snow the next day (which is today and boy is the snow coming down!) and asked him if he had a warm place to go.  He assured me that he did.   He spoke beautifully and intelligently.  He told me that he had spent 40 odd years hating the world and was just now learning to see the good in people.  He talked a little about his time in Vietnam and about a sister that he had recently reconnected with.  He told me of his travels.  He was eloquent.  He was kind.  He made me humble. 

It was the best $5 I had ever spent.

My wish flower?  I wish that this man find the peace he is looking for.  I wish that I will never forget this lesson he taught me.  I wish, wish, wish for better for both of us.

Helping Hands

Quick note because its Uber-busy today!!  Uber with a capital U busy.

Check out www.momastery.com today and their Helping Hands program.  Great idea to share what we can with those in need or to reach out for help if you're the one in need. 

Let's all work together! 

Tiger Stripes aka Stretch Marks

I saw this on Pinterest today.  I love it.

Why are we so ashamed of our stretch marks?  We grew a HUMAN inside our own bodies!  Of course that's going to leave a mark...but it should be one of pride.  We should be able to pull up our shirts, point to the marks on our abdomen and say "Hell yes I have stretch marks!  And I earned every single one of them!". 

Instead we cover them up like they are track marks on a heroin addict.

No more ladies!  Be proud.  We created, nurtured and incubated a little life for 9 long months.  And then we spent 23 hours (personal experience there) pushing said life out of our bodies in a sweaty, painful, gut wrenching process.  Those are battle scars!  And I'm going to be damn proud of them! 

Disclaimer: That is NOT my body but I'm envious of this woman.

My Wish Flower:  My wish is that I will never be ashamed of the marks left on my body for the blessing of my two little girls and what they bring to my life.

Party Pandemonium

I am in full planning mode for Petal's 5th birthday party.  It's a princess theme. I don't know how the eternal cynic such as myself has a child who believes in the power of "Happy Ever After" and "True Love Conquers All".  I have never had the heart to correct her belief system...I figure life will do that for her in due time.  And if it doesn't...good for her. 

I always feel like my holidays are a 4-part system of chaos.  I mentally click off each event as we get through it. 

First: Halloween.  $100's of dollars spent on costumes, candy and decor.  Glad it's done.

Second: Petal's birthday.  My girls do not get a party each year.  More like every 3rd year.  Sorry girls, but it's just not in the budget each year.

Third: Thanksgiving.  Whether it's the awkwardness of my in-laws or the cramped quarters of my parents...it's a holiday I dread.  The food is great.  And don't get me wrong, I do love to eat (as my excessive rear end can attest to).  But the drama!  OMG the drama!  I find it all exhausting.  I'm starting to realize that's when men sleep after Thanksgiving dinner...it's just to avoid the soap opera that follows.

Fourth: Christmas.  I love Christmas.  I do.  But by the time I have spent every cent I have on presents.  Wrapped presents.  Ran from store to store looking for the best deal.  And then all the fun festivities and parties in between...I totally need from Christmas Day to New Years trying to rest. 

So my stats are 1 down: 3 to go. 

The party is this Saturday.  I have all presents bought.  Nothing wrapped.  And still have to come up with games for a group of 5 year old girls to play in 5 days. 

Plus my stomach is in knots worried that no one will show.  Worse than the drama of getting it all ready is the fear that we will be sitting there waiting for the party to start and no one knocks on our door with brightly wrapped presents.  Please, please, please let at least a few little girls show up.

So in a few more days I will be 50/50 for the holidays.  Then it's turkey and presents and I'm done.  I firmly believe that New Years Eve was strategically placed after Christmas to give parents a good reason to drink.

My Wish Flower today?  I wish, wish, wish that Petal will have a wonderful birthday...and that some of her friends will show...and that my house won't be destroyed in the process.  Here's wishing...

Butterfly (fairy) and a gypsy...

We survived Halloween.  Candy, goblins and pumpkins.  I'm exhausted. 

My girls had a great Halloween.

I went to a 9:00 a.m. parade at Autumn's school.  Petal went with me...I had to entertain a 4 year old for 20 minutes while we waited for it to start.  Thank goodness for the invention of the iPhone.  The singularly greatest invention to entertain children.  So my cute little butterfly fairy waited...not a butterfly though. A butterfly fairy!  DO NOT forget the fairy part...the drop of that word from a sentence has led to more drama than a preteen slumber party.

As we waited ther in the gymnasium that smelled of school lunches and elmer's glue I was notified by Petal that she needed to bring treats to her parade...which started at 10:00.  This was the first I had heard of treats.  I frantically checked my watch and quickly recalculated. 

If Autumn's parade was over by 9:45 I could still get to a store and back to Petal's daycare in time for her parade. 

Luckily, the parade started right on time.  Kindergarteners came out first.  My little Petal will be one of these kids next year.  I can't believe it. 

Anyway, Autumn's class was near the end (of course!) but at least we saw my cute gypsy girl coming.  I snapped a few photos, and a one second video (that I discovered after a little too late). And then blowing kisses to Autumn, I grabbed Petal and off we flew to the grocery store. 

Grabbing a bag of candy (uncaring of the what I was going to be giving to small children) and running back to the car we made it to Petal's parade with 5 minutes to spare.  Whew!  She was, of course, adorable in her parade. 

Have you ever had a great friend?  One who you told your most intimate details to?  One who suffered along with you through Junior High and High School?  And then lost touch with?  I had one of those....and ran into her at Petal's parade.  Awkward after all those years of friendship to realize we had nothing to say to each other.   After kissing Petal goodbye, I left the daycare feeling bittersweet.  It was nice to see her again and to see her cute daughter in the parade, but how sad is it to have such a reminder of a close friendship that was lost?  And for no reason that I can pinpoint other than simply "life got too busy." 

Too busy for a friend?  Did I really let it come to that?  Did she?  I guess the answer to that was Yes.  Yes, we did.  What a horrible, gut wrenching truth to realize as I drove home to start stew for tonight's Halloween festivities. 

The girls had a great time trick or treating...but for me the rest of the holiday was tinged with a bit of sadness.  However, nothing will keep me from smiling and laughing for the benefit of my girls but...

My wish flower today?  I wish that I will never, ever let life get in the way of a good friendship.

Good Gourd!

We carved pumpkins last night.  Autumn wanted a big one.  Petal wanted a small one.  And frankly, I didn't want to do it at all.  Carving pumpkins is one of the Halloween traditions I hate.  What a mess!  Not to mention small children with sharp knives.  Who thought of this? 

But we got it done.  We laid out plastic bags on the floor and great big bowls for pumpkin guts and we got down to work.  I helped Petal with hers.  Or she mainly just held by hand as I carved everything out. 

I was proud of her this year though...she reached in and pulled out the guts by hand.  It looks like even my little Diva can get her hands dirty once in awhile. 

On the other hand, Autumn has never shyed away from getting messy and dirty.  Her hands dripped ooey orange pumpkin goo within five minutes of cracking open that pumpkin.  Steven teamed up with Autumn to help her with her pumpkin. 

Petal's Pumpkin
(do you notice that "scar" on the side of his face...that was my contribution.  I'm no pumpkin artist, that's for sure.)

Tonight we are roasting pumpkin seeds.  I've never done it before, but I consulted my good friend, Pinterest, and we have made a plan.  The seeds are sitting on a cookie sheet drying out for a good roasting tonight. 

The girls had a good time.  Tomorrow is Halloween and then the sugar overload will finally be done....at least until Thanksgiving. 

I have just resigned myself to the fact that for the next two months I will be broke and exhausted. 

My Wish Flower for today?  I wish that I would have discovered I had pumpkin seeds stuck to my butt before I heard my family snickering from behind me as I walked away.

Anniversary

The hubs and I celebrated our 11th Anniversary on Saturday.  It still boggles my mind that we have made it 11 years.  I can't tell you how many times I wondered if we would make it 11 more minutes.  It's so crazy to think we now have a 9 year old and an almost 5 year old.  When did that happen?  Where did my little babies go?

(Pause for a moment of reminiscing.)

I started the day with a run to the grocery store and a mountain of dirty laundry.  Anniversaries are no longer the romantic all day event they were when we first started out. 

However, we did sneak away for a romantic dinner.  The girls had been invited to a Halloween party at my cousin's house.  My mom kindly offered to take them for me so Steven and I could sneak some time alone. 

Steven surprised me with a gift card to Dillard's for a new watch.  I've been wearing a fancy-schmancy watch from Avon for about 5 years now.  It's painted white, but by now it's just a nasty banged up tarnished silver.  To say it's less that professional looking is an understatement.  I'm very excited for a new watch.  I would prefer one that looks like I'm a grown woman and not one that looks like I got it at the dollar store. 

I surprised Steven with a new package of underwear.  I know, I know...I'm such a romantic.  Okay, he got a few other things too but I'm pretty sure it was the underwear that was the clincher.  And perhaps they were more for my benefit than anything.  But I have to fold that damn underwear every week and I needed to look at underwear in much better shape.  Ugh!  But I digress...

The dinner was beautiful. I put on heels and a velvet skirt.  Steven put on a shirt and tie.  We looked smoking good.  I had a gorgeous bottle of wine and seared tuna.  Yum.  Steven had a gorgeous sip of my wine (he's such a teetotaler) and a pork loin.  We were in decadence heaven.  The restaurant was up in the mountains with the snow lightly falling.  It was postcard beautiful.  Almost romance novel beautiful. 

It was fun to get away without the kids.  It's also nice to go to a restaurant that doesn't have mac & cheese on the menu. 

It's hard to pull me away from the kids, but I'm always glad when Steven gets me to do that once in awhile.  It never hurts to reaffirm to myself why I married this man in the first place.  And it's a good reminder that there is more to my life than homework, Barbie Dolls, and bows.

Happy Anniversary, hon.  Love you!

Sidenote of awkwardness to the weekend: 

Steven had roses delivered Saturday morning.   As I lay in a nice hot bath Steven and both girls walked in carrying my roses.  I love roses, I love getting roses...I love the fact that he cared enough to buy me roses.  I DO NOT love getting roses given to me naked in a tub of water with mascara running down my face. 

Wish Flower today?  I wish that no one ever, ever gives me roses while I'm naked again. 

The madness of motherhood

Last night was complete and utter exhaustion.

Run down of the day:

6:00 a.m.  Wake up...pulling my body slowly from the warm bed and then limping like a geriatric to the bathroom for a quick shower.  I swear the creeks and the cracks and the groans from my body echo through the house.  Ugh.  Regardless...

6:45 a.m.  After showing, drying and styling hair, slapping on makeup that I pretend takes 10 years of my face, but really doesn't....I head back to the bedroom.  No longer creaking and cracking...now I'm doing my olympic fast walking/talking routine trying to get everyone going.  I flip on the light and blind my husband, and often the 4-year old that has snuck in our bed again, and inform everyone it is time to get up.  My husband and kids moan and groan...I am heartless to it.  We must get up!

7:30 a.m.  Fought with the 4-year old to get dressed.  Fought with the 9-year old to move faster.  Fought with the husband to get out of the bathroom and get moving.  And fought with my body to squeeze into nylons and heels.  Now no one is in a good mood.

7:45-7:50 a.m.  After pouring cereal into bowls, packing lunch for Autumn (the 9 year old) to take to school, quickly putting my signature on last nights homework and throwing whatever leftovers I can find in a bag for my lunch....I head to work.  Whew!  I leave behind little girls with kiss marks on their cheeks, reminders to remember coats and backpacks...and a husband to find their shoes and make sure they brush their teeth. 

8:00 a.m.  When I am supposed to arrive at work.

8:15 a.m.  When I actually get there.

3:00 p.m.  Due to a meeting that had been scheduled mid day I finally take a lunch.  Getting into my car I get a call from Autumn, in tears, because some of her friends from school walked home without her.  Major crisis.  Part of me just wants to tell her to deal and get over it, but the motherly part of me (which thankfully is usually stronger than the snarky part of me) feels bad.  So, abandoning my plans to read my book and decompress, I drive to her school to pick her up and take her home. 

3:15 p.m.  Arrive at Autumn's school.  I pull out a move out of the Indy 500 races and dodge between a minivan and convertible (which is pretentious enough in the summer, but this is fall. Whatever).  As my girl jumps into the seat next to me we both hear the ominous DING DING of a warning light.  One of my tires is low on air. 

3:30 p.m. After finding a gas station, getting change from the attendant for the air and with Autumn watching the dashboard from the warmth of the car I shiver in my skirt and jacket while trying to put air in the tires.  Between the two of us we figure it out.  We feel pretty triumphant and proud.  I am woman! I can do this!  I just taught my 9-year old have to fill a tire with air.  (It's the small victories, indulge me.)  But now realizing there is no way I will get her home and me back to work on time...I make the decision to take her with me. 

4:00 p.m. Back at work.  Answering phones and working on reports for an hour while she sits quietly like an angel and reads her book....ok, that was a lie.  She flipped on and offs the lights.  She broke three pencils.  She rearranged my pen caddy.  I got practically nothing done.

5:00 p.m. Angels sing!  Day is done...we race home.  Guitar lessons start at 5:30 so I have 30 minutes to pick up Petal (the 4 year old) and get to guitar lessons.  Yes, I can do this.  Super Mom to the rescue!

5:27 p.m.  We pull into guitar lessons.  Autumn grabs her guitar and Petal and I settle in for the 30 minute wait until lessons are over.  We sing songs.  She eats the treat I have brought for her.  She shows me the pictures she has made that day at "school."  (There is an awesome one of me with bright red hair and super skinny legs.  At least the hair part is true.)

6:00 p.m.  Lessons are over.  Now the race home to make dinner.  Lettuce wraps and fried rice.  I'm feeling very gourmet and Betty Crocker-ish. 

6:30 p.m.  Sit down to dinner.  My Betty Crocker meal that I had worked so hard for?  Disaster.  Instead of putting in soy sauce I had grabbed sesame oil.  I know, I know...they don't look, smell or taste remotely the same.  I have no explanation.  I make Petal and PB&J and Autumn a turkey sandwich.  The hubs is now thinking he is coming down with the flu and decides to go to bed.  What?!  Seriously?  Asshole.

7:00 p.m.  A few months ago I had borrowed a steamer from a friend when we moved into our new house.  She needs it back and this is the night I had promised to bring it to her.  No problem.  She only lives 30 minutes away.  I can still do it and get back in time for bath and bed time.  Yep.

7:25 p.m. Arrive at Leslie's house.  (Notice the time...yep, make it in 25 minutes!  Jealous?).  Visited with my friend and her husband a little too quickly (in fact I had to send her a text this morning to inform her I love her and I'm sorry if I was abrupt and rude last night.  For the record, she loves me back and all is forgiven) and leave.

8:15 p.m. Back at home.  Toss Petal into the tub (okay, not really.  It was more like an overly ambitious "Yay! Bathtime!" cheer...kinda strange.  I think now I'm in the punchy zone.)  I scrub her up and sing the "Alice, where are you going" song about 10 times.  It never gets old...apparently.  She blows the bubbles at the cat and we both giggle while Sally tries to get the bubbles off her fur.  Squeakly clean and smelling of tangerines...out of the tub she goes. 

8:30 p.m.  Into the tub goes Autumn.  Of course, she no longer needs me to bathe her.  She just feels an overwhelming urge to ask me a questions every 5 minutes...so I've learned to dry Petal's hair while Autumn bathes and then I can be with them both. 

8:45 p.m. Out of the tub goes Autumn...who quickly informs me that she still has homework.  My eyes roll, I think I hear a blood vessel snap in my brain....I see myself on the floor with paramedics looking me over for signs of stroke (I hope it's cute paramdics with big arm muscles).  But I live through it...and we get started on the homework.

9:30 p.m.  Kisses for my sweet smelling girls.  I kiss their smooth foreheads and stroke their clean hair.  They truly are the best.  And it's the first moment in this entire hectic day I've had to just breathe and love them.  Truly feel the love for them.  I love them always, 24/7, sleeping or waking...but sometimes it takes the calm in the storm to breathe the love I have for them and just embrace it in my heart for a few moments.  So with butterfly kisses and snuggles we say good night.  I promise them the next night will not be so crazy.  (I hope it's not a lie). 

9:45 p.m. Climb exhaustingly onto my elliptical for 45 minutes of grueling cardio.  I don't think it's making any difference in my pants size...but I'm sure it's good for me somehow.  I hate exercise.  Bastard doctors and fitness experts.  Sadists in labcoats or Spandex.

10:30 p.m.  I check on my husband.  Now feeling guilty that I was so angry about his "flu."  He's sleeping in the spare room to avoid getting me or the kids sick.  He has a fever and is shivering.  I'm a horrible wife.  I so could have handled that better.  I vow to do better next time he's sick.  I cover him with another blanket and kiss his cheek. 

10:45 p.m. Quick shower for me, brush teeth, put on pajamas, forget that I didn't feed the cat, feed cat...finally, finally bedtime.  I don't remember even hitting the pillow.

My wish flower today:  I hope I can find myself a wife.  I'm exhausted!  :)

A day in the life...

Life is an adventure....

I try to remind myself of that each morning as I'm arguing with two girls about getting ready for school, banging on the bathroom door to get my husband going, packing lunches and tripping over the cat.  It is an adventure I suppose...but it's not one I look forward to each morning. 

I'll be honest, mornings and me have always had a hate/hate relationship.  I want nothing more than to crawl under the warm covers, snuggle with my husband and sleep until noon.  Thats what I want...what I get is the alarm going off at the crack of dawn, kids to feed and fight with, and a husband that possibly hates mornings more than I do.

I'm a harried mother of two with a husband that I sometimes feel is my third child.  I work full-time.  I try and stay up on the housework (often times unsuccessfully).  I try and remember to feed and water the cat (90% effectively).  I remember guitar lessons, parent/teacher conferences, and library books.  I often forget to buy milk or bread.  My family always has clean clothes...but it's usually folded in a laundry basket somewhere and hasn't quite made it to their rooms.  I need to lose weight.  I make great dinners. All in all, I'm probably simply normal.  I'm okay with that.

I read blogs of beautiful moms with beautiful children that look fabulous 24/7.  Yeah..that's not me.  And while I do believe my children are beautiful (and if you ever dare suggest otherwise I will go mama bear on you with NO problem), I have to admit they don't always have their hair perfect, shoes that match their outfit, and (once in awhile) one of us will have peanut butter on our face.   It's okay...really, I remind myself daily.

Tonight I was informed by my husband, who is slightly unhinged regarding sports, that we will be trudging up to the local university for the basketball exhibition game tonight.  I dread, dread, dread.  It's cold.  It's boring.  And when I get home from work all I want is to put on my grungy pajama bottoms and take my bra off.  Instead of be slipping on jeans and sneakers to face the crowds and the cold to watch basketball. 

But I'll go.  Will I complain? Hell yes.  That's the only bright side to the whole endeavor.  I'll complain.  My husband will ignore my complaints.  My girls will giggle in the backseat because we are just SO funny.   Oh well...at least I'll get some yummy kettle corn out of the whole thing. 

I love the quote, "Life is a marathon."  I like it...I don't know who said it, but I like it.  I just hope it wasn't Lance Armstrong.  Yikes. 

But it's true...it's a grueling battle of highs and lows.  Of finding who you are and letting go of who you are not.  Of trying to teach your children to do the same.  It's not easy.  I can do it. 

That's my wish flower for today.  I can do it....please, please let those words be true.